DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
