is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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