Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize
