why didn't you poke me back
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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