after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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