I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
