you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize