I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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