I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
