I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
