I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
they need to just BURY HIM!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
