You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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