Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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