Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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