there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
