So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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