i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
