the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You can't special order awesome
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize