I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
