You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Send help, water and tortillas.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
