i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am one with the molecules
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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