I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize