White coat. Heels.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
