Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
