I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
