I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
