just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
