YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
