Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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