Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
