My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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