I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Rumble strips road head = magical
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
