New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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