Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
