exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
