Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
