it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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