Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
