All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
