No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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