Yo dont text me then not text me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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