You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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