if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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