Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
