i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
