you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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