i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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