Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
