hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
