its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
