You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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