I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
