Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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