Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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