don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
