Your face is a jimmy john
well I can't set my house on fire every night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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