if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
