I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
