Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
