TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i now understand why vodka
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
