I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize