Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
