if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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