so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
