It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The air was thick with penises
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
