I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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