so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
