His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
