You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
