either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
