dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
