Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
