I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
