so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
