I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Found the puke drawer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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