She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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