I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize