put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize
