actually, I'm a sock model
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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