Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How naked do you want me to be?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize