I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he fucked my hip out of place.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
