saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
