yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
