theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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