FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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