Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
