So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
