How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize